God is Bigger

I have gone dark on here for a few weeks. That usually means I’m dealing with internal struggles. I haven’t felt okay sharing them until now.

I have had to go back on my anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. Big BOOOOO. But, at this time I am thankful for medicine that can help me feel calm and help me organize my thoughts.

Experts say that exercise, particularly cardio, defeats depression and anxiety. I have been and continue running and cardio-ing and lifting, so it was very confusing to me as to why I need meds. It’s not even that I am uncomfortable with the stigma behind mental illness. I have never cared much about what others think of me. What feels uncomfortable about it is that I feel not strong enough and sad that God is allowing this again.

My biggest concern was that I was not going to be able to feel God’s presence or hear from Him while being on these meds, since they have numbed me in the past.

I was worshipping at church the other day and I could not feel the Spirit. I began to cry, my biggest fear of being on this medicine was happening. God heard my cry and collected all of my tears. I began to pray, God please break through the medicine. Over and over again. God break through, God break through. I believe, I believe.

I have been reading the Gospels lately, and over and over again, I am seeing people of great faith. The woman who was healed by just touching Jesus’ clothes. The ruler who knelt before Jesus and told him his daughter just died and the ruler believed Jesus could bring her back to life. The men who were blind but Jesus touched them and they could see.

While we were worshipping, I suddenly felt something in me heal. God broke through the medicine and held me close. It almost knocked me off my feet. He put me at ease and reminded me that He Is God, Creator of the Universe, Healer. Most of all, God Is Love.

When was the last time God’s love gripped you so close, so all enveloping, that it knocked you off your feet?

God is bigger than medicine. He is bigger than sickness. He is bigger than any giants that we face. David defeated the giant Goliath with a slingshot. Seriously. Because he had faith. God prepared David for this by having him protect the sheep. When another animal came to attack the sheep, David would go after the sheep, strike the bigger animal and kill it. You never know what God is preparing you for.

Sometimes our prayers aren’t answered the way we think they should be. People die, people are sick for years, that relationship with a loved one may not be healed, you might not get that promotion or that job, you might not feel financially free.

It’s in the darkness where our faith is tested.

I want to encourage you to turn to God if you are in a dark place. Read your Bible, sing songs of worship, talk to the King of the Universe. There is no relationship more safe than this. He is complete, unconditional love and He is waiting for you.

This song by King and Country has helped me step into a new day, each day. You are here for today. Don’t look back.

Love,

Tahnee XOXO