BeYOU

Oh my goodness it has been a minute since I have written anything.

Is anyone else just NOT okay? The fact that I even want to get words on paper is a celebration for me because it is a sign of healing. Healing of my soul, my mind, my body. I have been in a “stuck” place and Covid certainly has not helped.

I have been learning how to feel everything, instead of just feeding myself positive thoughts and pushing away the negative thoughts. There was a time for that during cancer where I absolutely could not let myself think negative thoughts because I was fighting for my life and wouldn’t have been able to dig myself out of the darkness. Was anyone else conditioned that tears were “bad” and being happy was “good”?

Now I am safe and for the first time in my life allowing sadness and anger and frustration to join the party. You know what? It is freaking empowering. I kinda love it. It is filling those missing holes in my soul. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not snapping at everyone or having teenager-ish angry outbursts. It’s not that at all. Just feeling it, allowing tears, allowing the anger to burn, breathing mindfulness into the frustration, creating boundaries and voicing when I feel wronged; this is all new. Acknowledging my feeling and letting it sit instead of pushing it away. Pushing it away has worked well for me for 39 years, but I want to be an actual person instead of a robot.

I am learning who my safe people are and I absolutely cherish them.

I am lucky enough to have my strong daughter who reminds me to let her feel her feelings. She teaches me so much about being my authentic self. Don’t you love it when people are just themselves and love themselves? I love to cheer people on and cry happy tears when they realize they are so so so special and extraordinary. We should allow ourselves that same kindness of being who we are created to be.

I was reading the end of 2 Corinthians today and read a passage that is spoken a lot and one that I personally love. Paul writes:

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger os Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I will feel the thorns. I will acknowledge them. And I will praise God. Because really, at the end of the day, He is all that is certain in this uncertain time. He gave us all of these amazing feelings to feel deeply. To love completely and fully as He loves us. He created us to be exactly us. If we can find and accept who we were created to be, that my friends is the gift He made us to be for the world.

Believers and non believers, I love you, as the magnificent gift to the world you were created to be.

XOXO

Tahnee